By Tilly
Let's talk about how
babies were easier to name twenty years ago.
This occurred to me when I was running in the park last
week, and I heard some of the names that kids were shouting at each other
across the playground nearby. They were not the kind of names that kids were
shouting in playgrounds when I was that age.
Back in my day, girls were called things like Ericka or Britney. Amanda.
Rachel. Boys had names like Matthew, Tyler, or John.
All American, straightforward names. Among all the little people around me in jelly
shoes and Power Ranger t-shirts, I only recall an occasional odd Zoe or Braidon.
But something happened in the last decade or so, and it
seems like parents are now all on the same mission: find the name that no one
has found before. Apparently this is the first step towards helping your kid to
“brand” themselves early in life.
Find them a name that is exotic but not too weird,
culturally or historically evocative but totally unexpected, and easy to
pronounce but not necessarily spelled the way common sense would dictate.
Name them something like Foxen, or Gatsby, or Craeford, and
when it comes time for them to create their own internet company, they’ll be
ready.
When I was six years old, there were three Ashleys living on
our street. We privately referred to them as little Ashley (she was 3), big
Ashley (she was 11) and brat Ashley, or Brashley (you understand).
My siblings all have names that people called unusual in the
90s. But that was before we ended up in a world where Isabella is the #3 girls
name in America, Layla is #31, Nevaeh is #39, and Genesis is #56. For boys, Gavin is #40, Jaxon is #66, and
Xavier is #80.
My name, which most people assume is short for something
awful like Matilda (apologies to all Macon Matildas), will probably be next. I’m
just waiting for Brangelina to name their next acquisition Tilly, short for
Thumbelina Kyote Jolie-Pitt.
And these are the popular names I’m talking about. It’s not
unusual for the list of popular names to change. It’s shifted many times in the
last hundred years. That’s why our grandmothers are running around with names
like Betty, Dot, Ethel, and Norma, and our grandfathers have names like Floyd, Earls,
and Melvin; you haven’t seen anybody under the age of 60 with names like these
in a while.
In another fifty years, you’ll have an entire crop of
Grandpa Liams and Gramma Averys.
But what’s changed is that the range seems to have expanded.
Rather than being content with the new top 100 list of Scarletts and Coopers,
more parents than ever are creating names of their own, or swiping them from
places other than the Social Security list of top 1000 baby names.
This is how you end up with a year like 2012, in which more American
babies were named Guadalupe than were named Brittany.
Here are some practical tips for naming your baby in the
spirit of the times:
1. Name your kid after an obscure country, city, or state. You’ll
get a fantastic little reflection of your own creativity: a cute little
Moldova, Trinidad, Seville, or Oregon.
2. Pick an obscure color: Cerulean, Mauve, Amaranthine, Azure,
Celadon.
3. Pick a figure from history that no one much liked at the
time: Darius, Cain, Ferdinand, Jezebel, Louis, Adolf.
4. Try the last name of a great writer, but use as first name:
Angelou, Bronte, or Ibsen for girls; Faulkner, Woolf, or Flaubert for boys.
5. Take a game of scrabble and divide them into consonants and
vowels. Randomly draw four of one and two of the other, then get busy creating.
You’ll get nice, gender neutral names like Derev, Vider, Irdev, and Evrid.
I understand that in order to name a baby, you are supposed
to have one. Hasn’t stopped me or many of my childhood friends, from what I
remember—we were picking out baby names since the first time someone handed us
a baby doll.
So thankfully, I won’t have to worry about this process when
the time comes—I know my little Turgenev is going to love his name.
very insightful :) and cute. i agree that things are getting out of hand, in fact if you were to name a girl something normal like sarah or sara ;p by the time she's ten she will likely be the only one in her class.
ReplyDeletebut whats a girl to do? it can honestly get really confusing having 4 guys named josh or matt at work