by Justin Dillehay
Small town homecoming queen
She's the star in this scene
There's no way to deny she's lovely
Perfect skin, perfect hair
Perfumed hearts everywhere
Tell myself that inside she's ugly
Maybe I'm just jealous
I can't help but hate her
Secretly I wonder if my boyfriend wants to date her
“Girl Next Door,” Saving Jane
What
would you say to this girl? Any counsel?
Outwardly, at least, the problem
stems from the fact that she regards another person as more attractive
than herself. Nothing very unusual here. Most of us could think of plenty of
people whom we would regard as better looking than we are (if we think of such
things at all).
Possible responses? We might be filled with
admiration, contentment, and appreciation. We might be indifferent. Or we might
be filled with self-pity, insecurity, or envy. The girl in the song obviously
chose the latter path. How we respond to the perception that someone else is
our superior in the looks department will depend largely on what kind of value
we place on outward appearance.
Biblically speaking, of course, that
last category of responses (self-pity, insecurity, and envy) is morally out of
bounds. And while indifference is certainly better than envy, our ultimate goal
should be a grateful recognition of our neighbor’s good qualities, be they
beauty or brawn or brains or whatever.
But as I said, how you respond will depend mostly on how you think about outward beauty. So how should you
think? What do you tell someone who is smarting with envy or insecurity or
self-pity at someone else’s perceived superior looks? Or if it’s you, what do
you tell yourself?
Explaining
beauty away
One popular response to
feelings of beauty-inferiority is to simply deny the inferiority altogether.
Simply say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that everyone is
beautiful in their own way.
Let me begin by saying
that I don’t think this response is completely without merit. It’s true that
standards of beauty are relative to some degree. The pin-up girls from the 18th
century look a bit different from those of today (indeed, the ideal seems to
get skinnier and skinnier). We surely need to be aware of how much our image of
the attractive person is shaped by the culture around us.
Having said that, however, I don’t think slogans
like ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ or ‘Everyone is beautiful in their
own way’ are an adequate way to deal with beauty-envy.
First, cultural relativity notwithstanding,
such slogans are simply too hard to believe in the face of reality. To put it
simply, everyone just knows that some people are better looking than others. And
the ordinary-looking girl who gets told that ‘Everyone is beautiful in their
own way’ will probably suspect that you are just trying to make her feel
better. Such lame slogans only slap a band-aid over the gaping wound.
The Bible also recognizes this. There’s a
difference between putting outward beauty in its proper place (which Scripture does
do) and levelling the beauty field altogether (which Scripture does not
do). Rather than ignoring outward beauty, the biblical authors frequently
describe certain people as attractive, sometimes even in contrast to others.
Sarah was “beautiful in appearance” (Gen.
12:11-14), Vashti was “lovely to look at” (Esth. 1:11), Rebekkah was
“attractive in appearance” (Gen. 26:7), Esther “had a beautiful figure and was
lovely to look at” (Esth. 2:7), and Rachel was “beautiful in form and
appearance,” unlike her sister Leah, whose “eyes were weak” (Gen. 29:17).
Same goes for men. Joseph “was handsome in form
and appearance” (Gen. 39:6), David was “ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was
handsome” (1 Sam. 16:12), and of Saul it was said, “there was not a man among
the people of Israel more handsome than he” (1 Sam. 9:2).
These texts all point out how physically
attractive some people were. They make no apology for it. Nor do the authors
simply mean that these people were beautiful in the same sense that everyone
around them was beautiful. If that were the case, it would make no more sense
for Moses to mention Sarah’s beauty than it would for him to mention that she
had ten fingers.
I’m afraid we must accept the hard truth. The
biblical authors are simply confirming what all of us know to be true when
we’re not playing dumb or chewing on sour grapes: some people are just better
looking than others. The borrowed, fading glory of outward beauty is real, and
it is not equally distributed.
Which brings me to my other reason for being
suspicious of slogans like “Everyone is beautiful in their own way.” I can’t
help but think that such statements are themselves reflections of envy--a way of verbally (though not really) chopping off the tall stalks by telling ourselves that all stalks are tall in their own way. But such pretense requires a
conspiracy of feigned ignorance, and most people aren’t fooled by it. As the
envious girl in the song conceded, “There’s no way to deny she’s lovely.” Or in
the words of C.S. Lewis’s demon Screwtape,
No man who says I'm as good as you
believes it. He would not say it if he did. The St. Bernard never says it to
the toy dog, nor the scholar to the dunce...nor the pretty woman to the plain.
The claim to equality, outside the strictly political field, is made only by
those who feel themselves to be in some way inferior. What it expresses is
precisely the itching, smarting, writhing awareness of an inferiority which the
patient refuses to accept. And therefore resents.
We can "tell [ourselves] that inside she's ugly," but such thoughts are simply an ugly reflection of our own inward selves.
I'm afraid this won't do.
Outward beauty is real. It’s a borrowed glory, and some people have more of it than others.
I'm afraid this won't do.
Outward beauty is real. It’s a borrowed glory, and some people have more of it than others.
Putting beauty in its place
Having noted how the biblical writers recognize
the existence of both beauty and plainness, it it vital to realize that they
weigh the value of outward beauty very differently than the world does.
In a chapter discussing the qualities of a
virtuous woman, the wisdom-writer notes that “charm is deceitful, and beauty is
vain” (Prov. 31:30). In other words, it’s a nice quality for a girl to have,
but it’s much better to be a “woman who fears the LORD.” It’s not that charm
and beauty are inherently bad; it’s just that they’re both easily abused and
overrated by the world.
The inner person of the heart is to be valued
more than outward appearance.As the Apostle Peter remarks:
Do not let your adorning be external—the
braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you
wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the
imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very
precious.
(1 Pet. 3: ESV)
(1 Pet. 3: ESV)
Notice why inner beauty is so precious: because unlike
outward beauty, it is imperishable. Outward beauty is temporary. You're going to get old and grey and baggy. (Note that the existence of face lifts and Grecian formula also says something about how our culture values outward appearance.) Your outward self is perishing, but your inward self is being renewed day by day (2 Cor. 4:16).
In short, inner beauty doesn't grey or wrinkle.
The Apostle
Paul reasons in a similar way about bodily exercise and training:
...rather train yourself for godliness; for
while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as
it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.
(1 Tim. 4:7-8)
(1 Tim. 4:7-8)
Notice that Paul doesn’t completely pooh-pooh all bodily training. He simply puts it in its proper place. The same thing is true of outward
beauty: Scripture doesn’t completely dismiss it. It simply assigns it an ordinate
value. That’s the difference between the Bible’s view of outward beauty and
the world’s view: the world places an inordinate value on outward
beauty. It ranks it higher than it should. It turns the apostles’ counsel on
its head, urging people to focus solely on the beauty that won’t even last
through this life, much less the life to come.
Worshiping a homely Savior
I concluded an earlier section by saying that
outward beauty is real and some people have more of it than others. If this is
a hard pill for us to swallow, I suspect that this in an indication that we have
already swallowed the world’s inordinate view of beauty.
The more value we place on something, the worse
we feel if we don’t have it and the more envious we feel of those who do.
Why do we get so
uncomfortable at the thought of being plain Janes or regular Joes? Do we think
that being attractive is an indispensable part of being human, like having a
soul? I mean, if people regarded you as a sub-human creature without a soul (as the
Nazis regarded the Jews), then you would have just cause for being upset, and for protesting, “I, too, am a man/woman."
But being unattractive or plain does not make
you less than human. On the contrary--it so happens that the greatest, most truly human person who
ever lived came up short in this area. Using the same Hebrew words that
Moses had used to describe Rachel (Gen. 29:17), Isaiah said of the Lord Jesus,
He had no form nor majesty that we should look
at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
(Isa. 53:2)
and no beauty that we should desire him.
(Isa. 53:2)
Translation: Jesus wasn’t attractive.
Those of you who are, think about this when you’re
tempted in vanity to overvalue your looks, as though physical beauty were
the be all and end all of human existence. Those of you who aren’t, think about
this when you are tempted in self-pity to undervalue your body because it
isn’t as beautiful as other peoples.’
Jesus knows what it’s like. He knows how it
feels to have no beauty that anyone should desire him. You don’t have a high
priest who is unable to be touched with the feeling of your infirmity. He has
identified with you in your plainness, just as surely as he has identified with
the poor in their poverty.
If we allow Scripture to refocus our vision; if
we pull the goddess Beauty down from its idolatrous pedestal and set it in its
proper place among the biblical values, then we will find that beauty-envy has
no soil to thrive in.
And if we find that God has given us relatively
little of this particular glory, then we will be content to make the most of
the glories he has given us. And we
will be able to respond properly to the greater glory he has given others--not
by envying it or resenting it or denying it or lusting after it, but by
recognizing and admiring it, just as the writers of Scripture did.
Let GQ and Cosmo think what they will. In the sight of God, it's OK to be "just the girl (or guy) next door."
Let GQ and Cosmo think what they will. In the sight of God, it's OK to be "just the girl (or guy) next door."
Phenom.
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